"WHERE SELDOM IS HEARD A DISCOURAGING WORD."

Let me fill you in on a MISTAKE that I made this past week. Yup, I'm going to share with you one of my weaknesses that made me stop dead in my tracks and yell in my own ear, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Please keep in mind, at the end I'm going to ask you a question to better help me understand how I can continue to turn this mistake into something positive.

Let's get started,

Just a couple days ago I was at work chatting with a fellow employee. Because of our monotonous tasks that were assigned to us that day, we got onto the common subject of the unfavorable way our managers managed the shop. I proceeded to spew out, what I deemed, facts of what the company was doing wrong and how the company could be better run.

I know, I know, we all complain about work from time to time. But I had participated in this rant for nearly the whole week now, and particularly for a few hours on this particular day!

The interesting part is that I KNEW that I was complaining and that I "probably" shouldn't. However, I justified my hurtful words because I was right and I knew it and my coworker fueled my fire by agreeing with what I said. Can't leave the applauding crowd hanging you know?

What makes the whole situation ironic is that I had just previously read a book 3 times in the prior month who's first chapter is about NEVER criticizing, complaining, or condemning others. How's that for hypocrisy?

A number of years ago the NSF (National Science Foundation) estimate that the average human being produces anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts each day. Now most of these have little immediate value like dwelling on the past, future, daydreaming, etc... Leaving just a small amount of thoughts that actually reflect on what's important.

Some have estimated that an upwards of 60%-70% of all these thoughts are negative. Would you agree?

Maybe take a short self evaluation to determine the truth of that for you.

-What was your reaction when the alarm went of this morning?
-What did you think of yourself when you first saw your reflection in the mirror today?
-Any traffic problems today? What was your reaction?
-What was your attitude when you first walked into work, sat down for class, or began your first errand?

If you are anything like me (which I hope you aren't), my reaction to those common tasks usually add another brick to the emotional backpack I carry throughout the day. Adding another when someone cuts me off. Then another when I'm late to my next task, and another when I realize, or worse when someone else points out, some task I did wrong or even completely forgot to do the days before.

"Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play;
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day."

You probably heard John Denver's voice, or some childhood scouts as you read that familiar song verse. I like the picture this song paints. "Home"is a place where we all feel comfortable and welcomed, loved and accepted. The other verses describe events and attitudes that would add to that environment and allow us to imagine it.

These feelings foster growth and improvement. They are the balm to our emotional wounds from our daily wade in negative environments such as the criticisms of the world. Yes, the ones that I gave.

Here, in this thought process, was my EPIPHANY.

The goal of my complaining was the hope something would change in my work environment. However, the VERY means that I attempted to accomplished that purpose prevented it from even happening. Criticism, complaining, and condemning put a halt on any desire for one to make an improvement.

Even if I was right with my thoughts about better management, had my managers stood in the path my comments, I'm sure their reaction would only be to defend the reasons why they were doing what they were doing things the way they were.

However, what we thirst for more that water itself is the feeling of APPRECIATION.

"Once I did bad and that I heard ever. Twice I did good and that I hear never."

How common is it for our good deeds to go unnoticed and instead have our flaws put in the spotlight?

Appreciation, like "home", is the breeding ground for progress and improvement. When we accentuate the positive in people, we perform a miracle by being the diamond in their rough day. Those acts over time will do more to change their behavior and positive progress than any criticism could ever.

Let's take the science I listed above as a challenge to lift up our own day, by lifting up another's.

NOW, since I am sure that you didn't delve into this bad habit as much as I did this week. I want YOUR HELP.

When someone around you is criticizing, complaining, or condemning... What are some positive ways to react that wont directly make them feel guilty (which, as we've discussed, doesn't foster change)?

Chime in below so I can learn from YOU!